Gaijin Girl

Josh and I are still getting settled in our new home. Josh actually has a viral infection that I think I am coming down with as well. Although my boss requested that I get a flu shot (which she paid for!), I still haven’t been feeling that great ever since it has started to get colder. I am actually quite disappointed that fall is already over; the leaves were so beautiful–all yellow and red–and we didn’t even get any photos! Anyway, winter is in full force here. I deck out in my new pea coat (purchased for only $10!), my wool hat, and mitten glove things every day and am still chilly on the way to and from the train station. Speaking of the train station, it is fully decked out in Christmas attire–a giant tree, twinkly lights, and lighted signs proclaiming “Merry Christmas” everywhere! I was quite surprised by the festivity with which this country celebrates a Christian holiday, given the low popularity of Christianity here. However, capitalism, the true spirit of Christmas, abounds plentifully here. While it is not customary for people to exchange gifts here in quite the same way as in the United States (children usually only get one unwrapped gift), you’d never know it from the giant sales at the huge shopping malls! Each store also plays jolly medleys of Christmas carols–some Japanese versions of all of our favorite jingles and some traditional versions. This place never ceases to amaze me.

Each day I try to feel more comfortable on the trains and try not to be offended by everyone around me either staring at me or closing or averting their eyes in order to avoid making direct contact with a stranger. Most of the people here seem to genuinely polite and friendly; however, when they get on the train, some of these people assume robot or sheep-like roles of ignoring their surroundings and failing to communicate with anyone around them. It’s quite strange because I am used to making small talk with or at least exchanging smiles with others in situations where you are forced to be so physically close to groups of strangers. It’s also quite unnerving just to be stared at because you are different. It definitely hasn’t helped my level of self-consciousness. My landlord talked to me the other day about where Josh parks his bicycle. It was quite a comedic conversation that we held in two broken languages and many gestures. However, in the end, I presented him with a gift (a small hand towel) that he really seemed to love and spoke the politest Japanese that I could muster. He seemed happy after our exchange, so I’m hoping that he will leave Josh and me alone and just let us live there together. I really don’t want to move again, and we want to settle in a little more permanently by ordering Internet service and maybe even buying a washing machine! I know this is a big step into the grown-up world, but it costs us about $15 a week to wash our clothes and $200 for a new washing machine, so it’s actually cheaper to buy one than to continue going to the laundromat, which is actually where I’m writing this entry! I give so much of my Saturday to this laundromat, it seems.

My job is really fun because I absolutely love my students–that is, when they’re not crying, pulling down their pants, or running around like crazy people. However, the same politics of who-likes-who that I’ve experienced in so many places of employment abound at this school. While I am a little disappointed by this discovery, I expected nothing less and am just trying to become more confident in speaking up for my own ideas about the curriculum and schedules of the school. It’s difficult to do this when I am the newest employee; yet, because of my native English ability and my previous teaching experience, I found myself in a lead teacher role almost immediately! While I do not exactly want this role, I am pleased that my opinions are respected. However, because I have so much experience teaching, my boss hasn’t offered me any feedback on my performance. I would like to know how I am doing in her eyes and plan to ask her, but, of course, we are both always so busy. I have virtually no planning time but was recently given more time by my boss, which has helped my level of sanity immensely.

I have noticed that it is much easier to me to write about how to interact with parents from other cultures and backgrounds than to actually do so. For one thing, I have a class of 13 two-year-olds who constantly demand my attention, so I don’t have much time or attention to devote to parents when we need to talk. For another thing, the parents of my current students are pretty well-to-do. For instance, the mothers aren’t usually working and are very available for their children. They are also able to provide supplies for the classroom at a moment’s notice. It’s completely different than anything I’ve experienced. I guess that was the whole idea of coming to Japan! Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about practicing theory and the challenges that we face in doing so, and I am trying to work out some of the obstacles I’m facing in my own struggles with this.

I’ve been reading a lot on my lunch breaks just to stop thinking about teaching for a while. I’ve been reading a lot about race and gender and community relationships and have been applying a lot of what I’m reading to my own relationship with Josh. I guess you have to start somewhere with applying theory, so where better than my personal life? I’ve especially been considering gender roles in relationships, perhaps because the feminine and masculine roles are so blatantly in place here in Japan, which I continually try to challenge in my interactions with people here everyday.

Although I definitely miss all of my friends, I must say that I feel that this time of introspection being almost isolated here in Japan with no money has provided me with plenty of time to analyze my theories, actions, and relationships, which I feel is important for me to do before beginning the type of thesis work on which I wish to embark. We have enough friends here for which to be grateful and still have plenty of time to ourselves; I’m sure once the paychecks come rolling in, our lives will be a blur of travel and constant interaction with others again, so I am appreciating this quiet time for what it is, although I must say that I am anxious to spend time with the mountains and canyons sometime really soon!. I am pretty nervous about my upcoming thesis research and all that I need to set in stone before it begins (i.e., When am I returning to the United States? Could I conduct my research at Southside? Whose support and assistance can I solicit in my endeavors?) I am sure that it will all work out in time, but I really hate setting dates and making decisions solid with my signature and official approval from others. At the same time, however, I am so grateful for this approval because it affirms my doubts that my ideas are, in fact, good enough for others to consider worthy of spending their time reading. I hope to be able to produce something really good and meaningful to others out of all this. Here’s to the support of everyone who’s supported me along the way and all the experiences that have helped to mold this process–both the wonderful and the shitty ones.

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